Sunday, January 13, 2013

A Friend to Myself

I find I am most myself late at night when everyone else is asleep and I have the apartment to myself.

It's calm, it's quiet, and I get to work by the light of the skinny little Christmas tree we have in the corner. It's soothing. The wee hours of the morning are when I am the most honest with myself. There's no filter, no reason for me to keep up a facade. It's just me.

A friend once asked whether I considered myself an extrovert or an introvert. To clarify, an extrovert is {according to Merriam-Webster} a gregarious and unreserved person, while an introvert is a reserved or shy person.

My answer was simply that it depends on my mood. I love people, I would never deny that. They're infinitely fascinating and there's always some new information to learn. But I do enjoy my own company. I never feel lonely when I'm alone. Which makes me sound lame, but hey, it's true. So it just depends on the situation. If there are people around, I'm more than fine with that; if I'm on my own, I'm comfortable that way, too.

I've come to the conclusion that it's simply this: during the day, I spend a lot of time and effort being social. I make so much small talk with random people every day, it's amazing. So then at night, when there isn't anyone there to potentially judge, I can be myself. Not that me-at-night is all that different from me-during-the-day, come to think of it. Maybe a little quieter. But I think it's just a mental state thing.

And then there are those precious few who fall into neither of those categories {acquaintances vs self} whom I cherish like no other. Because I don't need to purposefully or effortfully be social around them. I can just be and that's okay. They know who I am and I don't have to pretend to be normal or something I'm not. It's appreciated and I truly hope they feel the same way towards me.

Be someone you'd want to be friends with.

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