The Grand Dilemma

There are times when I hate being a Comm major. Or at least, my kind of Comm major. 

A friend told me the other day that there are two types of Comm majors here at UCLA. First, there's the wandering through school, became a Comm major 'cause it seemed fun, got in because their GPA was stuffed to the gills with easy A classes, don't know what they're doing after college and frankly don't care kind of students. Greek life preferred, but not necessary. Then there are the kind that have interned their butt off since sophomore year, always sit in the front two rows of any Comm class, could give you endless advice about classes, teachers, and networking if you ask them, perfected their resume ages ago, have business cards in their wallet type of kids.

I am sadly the latter.

Well, it's not really sad, per say. But it's just that being one of these kids means that it's really easy to run into The Grand Dilemma.

The Grand Dilemma = intern... or play?

More specifically: "Should I intern and therefore add to my resume and work experience and continue my progression towards my end goal of finding a career I love? Or should I play and spend time with friends since living life is important and creating memories of adventures will be something we'll look back on fondly when we're older?"

Usually, interning wins.

I've had the privilege of two days off from school every quarter this year. The few quarters before that? One and a half days. So I've had time to intern or play. And even though I make exciting plans to explore LA and adventure with the besties at the beginning of every quarter, it never actually happens. Cause I begin to intern.

Now, don't get me wrong. I adore the places I've worked at. They're amazing places. I've learned so much, met so many fantastic people, worked on a variety of different projects. I love it. And I do feel as if I'm not doing anything or not making the most of my time when I'm not interning. But I sometimes wish I could learn to play.

That seems like a weird thing to say. "Learn to play." You have to understand that the people I've surrounded myself with in the Comm department... they're crazier than I. While they too have been interning since sophomore year, they've worked with bigger companies, a different one every quarter, forever applying, interviewing, and interning. With bigger companies comes larger networks of people and therefore an increased rate of office politics, promotions, demotions, and transfers. And you have to be on your A-game all the time to know the latest on everyone since you may need that knowledge in the future. It's a lot to ask of your brain since you're also a full-time student, involved with extracurriculars, taking care of yourself in the apartments, dealing with roommates who don't understand this kind of lifestyle... Let's just say we're a little crazy sometimes. And playing? Playing isn't high on our list of priorities. Because there's no time for that in our schedules.

I want to make the most of my last quarter of school ever. I want to be a senior. Enjoy that time. Relax. Play. Adventure.

But I can't shut off that side of my brain that keeps telling me that I should be doing something productive. Something "worthwhile." Of use. Keep busy.

What brings up this super long post is the fact that I just came across yet another internship opportunity that I really want. Every now and then, you run across a position that you have to have. You're perfect for the job, it's for a company you'd love to work for, you're currently free, and it's decently within your means to get the position.

Problem is, I made a promise to my friends that I'd be free after fourth week. I just finished interning at the last place. And the only reason I stopped that internship earlier than the end of the quarter was so that (1) I could play and relax before real life hit and (2) to work on applying to jobs for after I graduate. And those are valid, legitimate, good reasons. But I still feel compelled to try for this new internship. It's in a different field than where I've previously interned, it's within busing distance, everything in the job description I meet... I really want it.

But I shouldn't take it.

I hate this dilemma. I reallyreallyreally hate it.

This time, I'm vowing to let it go. At this point in my college career, five-ish weeks 'til I'm done with college, I really shouldn't be starting up a new internship. By now, I should be done interning. I told myself this last one would be the last one and I should keep myself to that.

But aaaugh, it's hard.

The Grand Dilemma strikes again.

I guess it's a good problem to have, if you must have a Grand Dilemma.

Someone find me a job.

*sigh*