Saturday, February 11, 2012

Five Reasons Why Keys Are Useful

Five Reasons Why Keys Are Useful:

1. They open doors.

Tis very useful. I wish I had my own set for Steph & Mickeyla's building because I always feel bad when I have to call them to let me in every time I go over. It's only when you don't have the keys to a building that you realize how useful they are.

Course, with my own building, you've got a 75/25 chance the key will work when you try to open the back or side gates, but *shrug*, better than 0/100, no?

2. They make good self-defense weapons in case of attack.

You know, when you're walking back to your apartment crazy late at night because you've been adventuring with friends? Hold the biggest key you've got in your hand, so that in case any creeper decides to get ideas, you can take a stab at his face with it and hopefully hit something vital enough/cause enough damage that he'll let go. That'll give you time to get away.

It also helps if you walk like you know what you're doing, where you're going, and are not distracted with anything. I figured this out a long time ago that if you walk like you belong there {wherever 'there' is} and act self-assured, you're less likely to (1) be flyered on Bruinwalk, (2) stand out like a flamingo among pigeons, and (3) be targeted by the bad guys. I've now got scientific evidence that "walking like a man" {the professor's words, not mine; and she's a girl, so don't get all mad/feminist at me} reduces the chances that creepers will pick you as a potential target. This is one of the applicable things we learn in Comm M113 {Nonverbal Comm/Body Language}.

3. They open packages.

Instead of using your good scissors and taking the risk of slicing off your hand/stabbing yourself in the stomach while trying to open a package from home, use your apartment key instead. More control, less effort, and it creates this fun, bumpy feeling when you're cutting through all the packing tape. Badumpbadumpbadump. *grins*

4. They have the potential to scare off raccoons.

Or at least warn the sneaky critters that you're walking their way and would rather not cross paths.

The walkway to our apartment has been known to host a raccoon or two late at night, so just in case they decide to wander about while I'm walking back to my apartment, I jingle my keys so they know I'm coming. I don't know if this has ever actually made a difference in whether they tiptoed out of the planters, but it gives me peace of mind.

And that's really all that matters, right?

5. They signal that you're a cool kid.

You live in the apartments. None of this dorming stuff for you. You're too cool for that.

Whoa now. Your coolness is overwhelming me. *swoons*

No comments:

Post a Comment