Monday, November 28, 2011

Be In the Moment.

Sometimes, you just have to write.

Don't think. Just write.


I need to live by this more often. I have a tendency to overanalyze things and plan too far in advance. So far in advance that I forget the now. The present. The moment.

I think that because I get too far ahead of myself and have so many thoughts running through my head, I forget that I haven't actually done anything yet. Just because you've mapped out your life doesn't mean you're living it.

I want, and I need, to get back into the habit of writing.

For several years now, writing has been about last-minute, worry-driven, panic-filled essaying. And because of this, because I haven't had time or inclination to write for my sake and not for a grade, I've grown to loathe sitting down, sitting still, and coming up with words. Because there's no imagination involved. No creativity.

My writing style has changed over the years. As a kid, I wrote an embarrassing number of first chapters. *laughs* You know, where I start writing the Great American Novel and get as far as one sheet of wide-ruled binder paper before abandoning it for something greater. During later elementary {4th-6th grades} and throughout middle school, I think my writing style was the best it ever was. I could whip out persuasive essays like nobody's business and creative journaling was a piece of cake.

And then I hit high school. Suddenly, there was no time for writing for the heck of it. The high school that I went to had a penchant and a love for busy-work and seemed to operate by the motto: "Those who have free time are not truly learning."

The only times I would sit down for a decent amount of time and do nothing but write were the weeks leading up to when essays were due.

And I continued that trend into college. Except now it's the nights before essays are due. The problem with that is the writing you get when you're last-minute essaying is not usually good writing. It's decent. It works. It gets you a passing grade {or you know, hopefully a better-than-passing grade}. But it's not something you're proud of. That you're ever going to read again and smile nostalgically because you're thinking fondly of the you that wrote that paper way back when. It's turned in and you can now stop stressing over it; that's what matters.

As a junior in college, I've got two more years of late-night essaying to get through. Two more years of having what I write be evaluated and judged against and by others. Sure, as a Communications and Psychology major, the chances of my future job having some writing aspect is quite high, but at least it will hopefully be about something I understand and/or care about. And it will be read and critiqued by someone who isn't forced to read 294 other versions of the same answers to the same questions.

What I like about writing on this platform is that, while I may be judged, this writing is for me. If I can share some knowledge or make someone smile, that's awesome. But what I write about, how much I write, and when I write are all up to me. And that, my friends, makes it so much more enjoyable than essaying.

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